Harry Potter and the Beach Vacation
by Sylvester
Summary: Harry and his fellow 7th years go on a one week vacation to sunny South Florida with their chaperones, but they can only do things the muggle way! SLASH(guy-guy love) and hilarity ensues! WILL BE FINISHED SOON
1. The Departure

Harry Potter: At the Beach! 

  
  


Pairings: HP/GW, HG/RW, AD/MM, Draco/His Reflection, SS/Hagrid?!?!? Nah, just kidding! You won't know who hooks up with who until you read it. I warn you though, don't read it unless you're okay with guy/guy relationships, especially young guy/older guy, student/teacher, Savior/Spy relationships. (Can I be any more obvious as to the main pairing?) 

  
  


Disclaimer: *sigh* don't own Harry Potter, so don't sue. 

  
  


Summary: In Harry's 7th year, the Senior class of Hogwarts pools their funds together and plans a Class Week, a time to get away from school and have a vacation, all to themselves. So where do they decide to go? Sunny South Florida, where the sea grapes and the palm trees guard the shell-speckled sand and clear blue Atlantic Ocean. Hilarity ensues when they could only do anything the muggle way! Harry and his pals spend an exciting, albeit hectic, week in a Holiday Inn resort Hotel in the company of their adult chaperones. Enjoy!

  
  


Kristin: Get out while you still can. 

  
  


Day 1: Departure

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"Come back here, Potter! You give those back before I hex you into oblivion!" The usually pompous Draco Malfoy raced around the front lawn in his muggle jeans and Ralph Polo shirt(everyone was going muggle), chasing down a grinning Harry Potter, who had stolen his designer sunglasses. Tiring of the game, Draco sighed and stopped dead with his arms crossed, glaring at the Boy Who Lived. 

Harry whooped in victory. "Hah! I won!" Tossing the glasses at the blonde's head, he ran off to join his friends a few yards away. 

"Finally, I thought you'd never stop acting immature. Did you double check your bags? You have your trunks, sunscreen, sandals?" Hermione the Head Girl asked, pulling her thick brown hair back into a ponytail. "Ron! Why in the world do you have your broom? There aren't any quidditch fields where we're going, so send it back up to the castle!" She hissed, her badge of power flashing dangerously in the dawning sunlight. 

"Awww, but shnoogums-"

"Don't you dare "shnoogums" me, Ronald Weasley! I want to see that broom fly right back up to the Tower...move it!" 

"We have everything. Anyway, Dumbledore sent the bags to the airport already. It's all done, now relax." 

Ron grumbling something that sounded like "that time of the month, again," he sent it back to his dorm room with a banishing charm. 

Dumbledore skipped down the castle's sloping lawn and called them all to silence. "Seventh years! I will call your names from the roll and assign you to a group and a chaperone! Patil, Patil, Brown, Parkinson, Granger! You are all in group one with Professor McGonagall! Finch-Fletchy, Thomas, Boot, Finnigan, Goyle! You are in two with Hagrid. Crabbe, Zabini, Nott, McDougal, and Moon: group three with me. Oh, that rhymed! Ahem, Perks, Bones, Abbott, Brocklehurt, and Bulstrode with Trelawney in four. That leaves Potter, Malfoy, Weasley, Longbottom, and Malfoy Senior, who has financed much of this adventure, and decided to come along! You all are in five with Professor Snape. Everyone form circles with their groups, and make sure to hold on tight to your bags! Grab your portkeys, and we will apparate to the airport. Severus, how about your group first?"

Snape sneered and pulled out a long piece of knotted twine. He, Ron, Harry, Neville, and the two Malfoys touched a part of it. "London International Airport!" Snape spoke, and everyone in the tight-knit group was whisked off to their destination. 

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The four seventeen year olds plus two grown men stopped their cross-country tug, all squeezed into the tiniest broom closet imaginable. Lucius was trampled onto the floor in the panic, Draco was hoisted up against the wall, Snape was squished in between Harry and Neville, who was sitting on Ron. Neville and Draco started shrieking, Ron saw a spider and climbed up onto Harry's back, who doubled over with the weight and fell on top of Snape, who blushed as the cute Gryffindor molded himself painfully into his chest. 

Lucius was still on the floor, his son and Neville stepping on him every once in a while. Snape finally took control.

"Everybody up! Find the door, or the other groups will be Portkeying right on top of us!" Coming to his senses, Harry lumbered to the door, Ron still gabbling on his back. It was locked. A hum of incoming magic filled the room, and the rest of the men heaved against the wood, and the rusted lock gave, throwing them to the marble floor in a disheveled heap. Just as they did, McGonagall and her five girls flew out of the janitor's closet, piling on top of the boys. A pack of American muggles stopped and took pictures as wave after wave of teenagers flowed from the tiny cupboard, mounting into a formidable human hill in the middle of the busy airport. Snape, Harry, Draco, Ron, Lucius, and Neville were stuck on the bottom, and Hagrid, who had practically smothered everyone, pulled all of them out with one tug, the six males gasping for breath, massaging sore ribs. The tourists clapped, asking for autographs and poses for their snap shots. 

Harry dusted himself off, and helped his chaperone up off of the floor. Snape and he reddened in complexion when remembering their compromising position on the tile. 

"Hogwarts School students, this way to the plane!" Dumbledore cheered. His group had been the last, and they had all walked over their peers' backs to the hall, unscathed. Everyone picked themselves up, un-squishing their packs, and straightening their wrinkled clothes, following their perky Headmaster. 

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The Delta plane was an enormous Boeing 757, and many wizard students gawped at it apprehensively, faces pressed against the glass. The teachers were standing at the entrance podium, checking everyone's tickets and passports. Harry was a bundle of excitement: he loved planes, even though he had never been on one. Ron looked like a live tarantula had been stuffed up his throat. "That's a bloody big bird." 

"It's not a bird, Ron. It's an airplane. Oh, this will be so fun!" Hermione gushed, hugging her stricken boyfriend. 

"All passengers in rows 50 through 35 can now board flight 7646 from London to West Palm Beach, Florida. Please form a line by the terminal gate to get your ticket scanned. Thank you for your cooperation." A squeaky voice said over the intercom, and Snape ushered his group to the gate. 

"That's us. Potter, Weasley, and I are in row 42, the Malfoys and Longbottom are across the isle, one row in front. Give the lady your tickets and passports." Snape muttered, passing out the paperwork. 

One terminal walk later, they shuffled their way into the back of the plane, storing their bags overhead, and their smaller carry-ons they stowed under their seats. A buxom blonde stewardess( pardon me, flight attendant) ushered the rest of the passengers on slowly, until the whole aircraft was packed full. Ron was shaking, but Harry and Neville were stoked and excited. Snape and Lucius had their eyes shut tight, and the plane's engines hadn't even revved up yet. 

"Welcome to Delta flight 7646 from London to West Palm Beach, Florida! Please note the emergency exits, one on each end of the plane, and two located in the middle, blah blah..." Her incessantly perky voice turned into a drone as Harry flipped through the FLY magazine."...our inflight movie will be "Gone with the Wind," and thank you for choosing to fly with Delta." He set the magazine down, and checked his and his row-mate's seatbelts. He couldn't have that delectable Slytherin injuring himself before he had a chance to share a hotel room with him. 'Whoooa, dirty, dirty Harry!' he chided himself, thinking of cold showers. The lights went out and the plane crept forward. Neville was pressed against his window, and Harry to his. He was eating this up. 

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The Boeing turned the last lane, finally stopping, revving up, and shooting down the runway, speed gathering, air thickening with the heavy sounds of powerful engines twirling to lift a several hundred ton metal bird into the air. Several students whooped, and even more groaned and sobbed. Severus had his head buried in his black-haired student's shoulder, and over the throbbing heartbeat in his ears, he heard his professor mumbling," makeitstop makeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstop...." At the first turn, he changed his mantra to "IwillnotpukeI willnotpukeIwillnotpuke..."

Twelve long hours later, they finally touched down in sunny South Florida, half the plane population zoned out, but one boy saviour wide awake, holding his slumbering Potions Master's warm hand. Awww.....

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well, what did you think? This is a brainchild hatched by myself and my best school bud, MJW100. Thanks to my chica, Katrina, the best beta reader in the world! Please review! 


	2. The Arrival

Harry Potter and the Beach Vacation: chapter 2!  
  


Pairings: HP/SS, RW/HG, that's it so far.  
  


Author's note: *giggles* I got reviews! Thank you all who read and took the time to comment on my fic! I appreciate your notes. Ya'll even gave me some good ideas....*smirk*. Anywho...

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'God, that Clark Gable was so suave, he made being sexy look so easy....I must buy all his movies and take notes. Actually, he reminds me of a certain...potions master...' Harry tacked that to his mental bulletin board. Severus woke up when the plane rushed in to land. He shut his eyes, waiting for the wheels to screech onto the asphalt, but looking out the window threw off his depth perception. Finally, after thirty seconds of jaw-clenching anxiety, the aircraft shuddered onto the runway, the roar of speed filling the cabin. Harry whimpered over the ear-drum smashing sound. Snape looked down, and saw that he was squeezing the pulp out of his cute little student's cute little hand. When had he taken his hand? Harry's whimper turned into a laugh at the "bowled over" look on his face. Snape flushed, but eventually smirked down at the giggling Gryffindor. Though he would never admit it to himself, he found the boy rather attractive. The flight attendant announced their arrival.

"It is 2:30 pm Eastern Standard Time, 84 degrees Fahrenheit, and not a cloud in the sky. Please be patient as we unload everyone, starting with First Class." 

After ten minutes, Harry's row stood, as they pulled on their bags, trudging in a slow moving line towards the exit. 

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"2:30! Wow, it feels like midnight! It's so bloody hot!" Ron muttered to Hermione, jet lag setting in to all of them as they loaded onto the three rented shuttle buses, headed to the local Holiday Inn. Ron fanned his face. 

"Well, when we get to the hotel, you can either crash in your room, or let their olympic sized swimming pool wake you up and cool you off. As for me, I choose the pool. What do you say?" She winked, but he was already sound asleep against the van window. 

Harry laughed as Hermione huffed. McGonagall's group was being stuffed in the same shuttle as his, so people were climbing on each other's lap. 'All the better for me.' he smirked evilly, choosing one lap clad in dark blue jeans, belonging to one Severus Snape. 

"Potter, there are seats in the back." Snape protested, pointing to two spots in the very back.

McGonagall and Pansy Parkinson grabbed those before he could blink. Grin. "Not anymore, Professor. Am I too heavy?"

Sigh. "No. Just don't squirm." Snape blushed from his last remark, not daring to meet those crystal green eyes. 'Severus, you dumbass. When did you ever become so free-tongued?'

Harry could barely contain his maniacal amusement. 'Don't squirm, eh?' The Boy Who Lived waited a while until the van's engine's started, then twitched his hips in a quick semi-circle. Snape cuffed him gently on the back of the head, and held his hips still with his hands. Harry was as red as Ron's hair. 'Naughty boy, you are openly fraternizing with your teacher...people are going to notice if you aren't discreet. 

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Ron woke up when they reached the resort hotel, which was very large for a Holiday Inn, at five storys with two wings. They checked in and lugged a backpack and two suitcases each up four flights of stairs before they realized that there was a perfectly operational elevator. So that took that for the last floor. 

Lucius and Draco were bleary eyed from the jet lag, but Harry, who was a natural night crawler, Ron and Neville were balls of energy, having had their cat naps on the bus. 

Snape pushed open the door to suite 669, dragging his bags behind him and up onto one of the two twin queen beds. The two Malfoys shoved their way to the pull out couch in the attached living room. Harry, Ron, and Neville instantly dropped their things on the floor and yanked open their bags, each pulling out a pair of bright red and yellow swimming trunks, the Gryffindor seal on the left leg pocket. They crammed themselves into the bathroom, Neville taking the shower, and Ron and Harry changing back-to-back. 

Draco sneered at the door, and retreated to a corner to disrobe, where only his father could see him. Snape and the elder Malfoy glared at each other from across the rooms, silently daring the other to walk around in the atrocious neon green and grey swim suit for Slytherin House members. 

The three Gryffindors burst out of the lavatory, and stampeded out of the room, down the five flights of concrete steps, onto the deck and straight off of the diving board of the 8 foot deep swimming pool. 

Splashing back up, Harry exclaimed "Florida kicks arse!" Ron shrieked at the intense change from sticky heat to liquid cool, and Neville was in hot pursuit of a rogue pair of floating Gryffindor trunks. 

The other groups were equally eager to jump in the pool, and Hermione was leading the pack, splashing down in between her two friends. Dumbledore, McGonagall, and Hagrid were wearing bright Hawaiian shirts and khaki with flip flops, but the old wizard was going a bit over the edge with a pooka shell necklace, hemp chokers and bracelets, a fruit-laden palm-fraun sombrero, and a live parrot on his shoulder. 

"Uh huh." Hermione muttered, eyes wide at the image of her Headmaster. 

Snape, Lucius, and his son arrived on deck, and Lucius, being the malevolent bastard that he is, evilly pushed the fruit of his loins into the icy water. It turns out that poor Draco couldn't swim. 

Gasping and gurgling, the blonde couldn't keep his head above the 8 foot depths, so Pansy swam forward and pulled her sweetie-pie to the steps of the pool. The drowned ferret sat there and sulked, watching all of the swimmers frolic and splash each other. Harry glanced up at his Potions professor, silently willing him into the water. 

"Severus, Lucius, it is a beautiful day, why don't you join the children in the pool? I know you have your Slytherin trunks with you, come on..." Dumbledore coaxed, grinning at the stricken men. There was no way, besides force, or begging from Harry, that Snape was getting into that piss-flavored water with a mosh pit of crazy, hormonally driven seventeen year olds, touching and feeling and drowning him over and over....Harry looked so good wet. 'What?!?' Severus shook his head at his employer, backing away from the old coot's insane gleam in his eyes. Too late.

With a wave of his wand, Dumbledore had the teacher topless, with nothing but green and gray swim trunks on. Hagrid lifted the man up by his left foot, dangling him over the water. The students cheered below, calling for his blood.

Lucius made a dash for it, but Dumbledore's wand was quicker. He, too, was then bared in only a swim suit, heaved up by his right foot, and tossed unceremoniously into the mass of teenagers with Snape. Oh joy. It seems that Lucius couldn't swim, either.

So he climbed up onto his friend's back, having to fend the giggling girls off of his body and out of his hair. Snape, shivering from the cold, also was faced with a new team of swarming fans, a few being boys, groping and tugging and glomping their newly discovered Sex God. 'Shit.' 

Harry shoved people off his crush, pushing a pair of Hufflepuff girls' heads under the water in his fury. How dare they touch his Snape?! Finally, all of the attackees were delt with, leaving Harry, Snape, and a clinging Lucius. 

"Th-thank you, P-P-Potter." He stammered, the cold water creeping into his lungs. He crept to the stairs and dumped the Legolesque man by his grinning son. Doing a few laps, Harry watching lewdly, Snape pulled himself out onto the side, letting his muscles ripple under glistening pale skin.....Harry concentrated on how cold the water was. 

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At seven o'clock, the underwater lights turned on, bathing pale English legs in an eerie greenish blue glow. Harry and his friends were turning into raisins, so they decided to play one last game of "Find the Coins" with Neville, and climbed out of the pool. Snape and the two Malfoys got up and accompanied them to a quick dinner at the tiki bar, which was a whole new experience for all of them..."oooh, palm frauns!" Having mahi mahi, fried chicken, and pina coladas (virgin, of course), they returned to their suite very comfortably sated. 

Neville, Ron, Hermione, and Harry draped their towels on the floor and formed a pow-wow circle, chatting and discussing the day, and the rest of the week's schedule. Draco, his father, and his Head of House sat in the living room, talking sparingly. Finally, at nine o'clock, Snape stood, and pulled Hermione to her feet.

"Time to head to your own room, Miss Granger."

"Aw, professor, can't she stay? I'll let her sleep on the floor...." Ron smirked, eyes drooping with sleep. 

"Uh, I think not. A wise witch once said, 'you are at the time in your life where all you think about is sex constantly, so invest in porn.' I will not wake up to heated moans and lustful whispers. To bed, now." 

Harry stared dreamily....his love was soooo poetic. 'Heated moans and lustful whispers!' Was all he could think about until turning in to bed. 

Lucius and Draco, geniuses though they were, could not figure out how to operate the pull out couch, so Harry and Ron grudgingly did it for them. They climbed into the other twin queen bed, and Neville crashed on a complimentary cot. Snape clapped his hands, and the lights went out.

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at 1 o'clock in the morning...

Hermione silently unlocked Snape's suite door, and crept in. Fumbling a bit, she made her way to her boyfriend's bed. Normally she wouldn't do this, but the waiter had actually given her a straight colada, well, four of them. The danger of waking up the whole room and getting caught thrilled her. She climbed up onto the sleeping boys' bed, and straddled what she thought were Ron's hips.

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Harry woke to find someone putting an intense pressure on his waist. He automatically went to grab their shoulders in the dark, but his hands ran into....female things. 

"Herm-!" He started, but she had placed a mute charm on him, giggling at his lewdness. 'She thinks I'm Ron....shit.' He tried to push her off, but she took it as a feeling-up, and pulled his shirt up under his armpits, running her lotioned hands all over his well-muscled chest. He squirmed, buckling his hips to throw her off, but she giggled again and ground her hips into his. With all of the friction....problems arose. 'Double shit.' 

Hermione practically screamed in delight as she felt a shape similar to a flashlight poke her thigh. 'Too easy.' Harry flailed nervously under his friend, who was currently inching a hand into his boxers. His arm his the lamp off of the bedside table, and crashed loudly to the floor. 

The whole room was thrown into chaos when the lights were clapped on. Hermione stared down at her best friend, bare chest heaving, boxers half down, face flushed and eyes frantic. 

"Oh my God! I'm sorry, Harry! I thought you were Ron!" she exclaimed, having enough sense to remove her spell. Meanwhile, Ron, who had been sleeping right next to the Boy-Who-Was-Almost-Raped-By-His-Best-Friend, shrieked and fainted. Draco was up and grinning, moving in for a closer view, when Lucius came up behind him, aghast, and shielded his eyes. Snape groaned and massaged his temples. Neville had a black-out mask and earplugs in, so was still oblivious to the mayhem. 

Snape got out of bed and pulled Hermione off his black haired teen, dragged her over to the door, and kicked her out. 'How dare she try to seduce him...oh, shut up. You know it was an error, she thought it was Weasley...God he has a nice pack of abs." SHUT UP!"

Everyone, save for Neville, stared at the Professor. "Did I say all of that out loud?" He grimaced.

"You only said 'shut up.' What else is there?" Harry quipped as he pulled his shirt back down and his boxers up. 

"Nothing, you silly boy. Everyone, go back to sleep. Tomorrow is Busch Gardens." 

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author's note: What do you think? Any ideas for Busch Gardens? Yes, there will be a Snape on a roller coaster! Wohoo! I love ROLLER COASTERS!! *cough* Please Review! 


	3. Busch Gardens Part I

Harry Potter and the Beach Vacation: chapter 3

  
  


pairings: HP/SS, HG/RW, those are the two main ones, and frankly, I haven't thought of any others....maybe Draco/Neville....I dunno. Suggestions are welcome for poor single Draco. 

  
  


author's note: To sev1970: I'm afraid there is no Tunnel of Love at Busch Gardens, but I found the next best thing! Thanks for the idea! And to Katrina, you might not want to read any further, since it's just going to get dirtier. Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last two chapters!

  
  


Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, nor am I profiting at all from writing this. All rides, attractions, and exhibits that are in quotation marks are owned by, you guessed it, Busch Gardens. Duh:)

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At breakfast the next morning, Hermione rushed over to the boys' group, muttered an apology to Harry and Ron for the confusion, and promised never to mix them up again. They both accepted, laughed uncomfortably, then dropped the subject, returning to their Continental bagels with cream cheese....yum. 

As Snape finished off his meal, he pulled out a set of e-tickets that Dumbledore had gotten off of the internet....how he did it, Snape never found out. The old man could barely use a telephone correctly, and the WWW was a universe unto itself. 

He passed the tickets around his table, and briefed them on the day's schedule. 

"We're taking a bus to Tampa, so it should take us at least and hour and a half to get there. Once at this...theme park, we are going to pair up with McGonagall's group to explore it. I will NOT be going on any roller coasters, so you can forget-" Lucius cut him off.

"Oh come now, Severus. Where's the fun if you aren't going to ride any of the roller coasters? I've done a little research on this particular park, and it seems to have some pretty decent ones. I will not have you watching me ride one alone." For it was a known fact that all Malfoys could not resist a roller coaster's heavenly beckoning. "I have a bet for you. If you accompany us on, oh let's say, five big rides, I'll give you twenty galleons for each. That's a hundred total, but no cutting out. I will only pay you if you ride all five of my choice. What do you say?" Lucius smirked. Snape had a teacher's salary, and a hundred galleons for going on a couple of rides would really temp him...

"Fine." The Potions Master sighed, shaking Lucius's hand. He then stood up to put his plate up, and Harry got a nice view of his khaki-clad arse. Damn! The man was dressed as casual, muggle tourist. Snape had on a dark green tee, not too loose, not too tight, and cream shorts that reached his knees. He also wore black Nike sneakers, and a pair of semi-transparent sunglasses. Harry kept on staring, unaware of his drool.

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A half hour later, they had stuffed their backpacks with sunscreen, swim trunks, exchanged American currency, and snacks. They were ushered on to a rented school bus, and sat three to a seat, so everyone was really squished. 'At least I'm pressed against Severus...hee hee.' Harry sniggered mentally, while shoved between the window and his teacher. 

When everyone was packed in, Trelawney, still bug-like in her gaudy sequined granny ensemble, sat herself behind the wheel. Hagrid (who had been shrunk to fit), Severus, Lucius, and McGonagall tried to get up to protest, but Dumbledore shushed them with a wave. 

"Sybil has graciously decided to drive us to Tampa, so stop bickering. One of you can take us back." Dumbledore said, obviously confused as to why the adults were so anxious not to see the Diviner drive.

By the end of the hour, they all knew why. 

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It was Harry this time who was gripping Snape's hand as the insane divination teacher veered around I-95, speeding at 100 mph, two highway patrol cars hot on their tail. She was shrieking at poor drivers staying in the speed limit, and in her craziness decided to scare the hell out of everyone by veering towards random vehicles, knocking cars and trucks into the grass median, causing mayhem and destruction wherever she drove. 

"Stop the bus, woman! You're going to kill us all!" Lucius hollered at the driver, bracing himself on the seat in front of him to keep from being tossed onto the floor. Left and right, at each sharp turn and sudden brake, kids were flying out off of their feet, landing on top of others, rolling under the seats, slamming into windows, and screaming as they tumbled into the aisle. Teachers, when able to hold themselves steady, were trying to restore order and reach Road Rage Trelawney before they crashed and were killed.

Severus had had enough. He stepped over(and purposefully onto some) students, gripping anything he could before he reached the front seat. The crystal gazer, cackling maniacally, turned around and bit him on the arm. 

"Shit!" He exclaimed, trying to shake her off, but her yellowed teeth just dug deeper in. "Ow ow ow!" She would not release him from her vice jaws, and the bus was careening out of control.

Suddenly, a blurry fist whirled into her face, knocking her off Severus. 

"Off my guy, floozy!" Harry yelled, pulling back his wrist. Severus, half stunned at the teen's remark, was sensible enough to turn the wheel, driving the bus into the grass median. Pushing the brake and putting the stick into park, everyone finally got a chance to breathe and sit back up. Hagrid lifted the unconscious Divination teacher out of the driver's seat and tossed her unceremoniously into the back somewhere. Everyone celebrated. Harry flushed when realizing that he had said "Off my guy" out loud, but the Potions Professor pretended to not have heard him. So the Boy-Who-Lived sighed in dismay, shuffling back to his seat. Lucius took the wheel. 

The two patrol cars pulled to the side of the bus, and three burly police officers stepped out. 

"Stupefy!" Dumbledore whispered at them, wand hidden under his sleeve. The spell his it's targets. "What seems to be the problem, gentlemen?" He asked. They just smiled dreamily at them, and shooed them back onto the highway. 

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Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Neville gaped up at the beautiful theme park, where there were tiled water fountains gracing the Moroccan architecture of the entrance, and pretty flowers arranged in a Thomas Kinkade-like mural in the entrance gardens. Severus and Lucius led them to the turn stile, where they checked off the online tickets and walked through. There were relatively no lines, as all kids were still in school, and most of the older population that were visiting had the heart problems that the ride intercoms warned about. So the magical party of thirty-one had the run off all the rides. Harry gawped at the Egyptian exhibit, and Ron tried to tug them towards the "Gwazi", but Hermione won over both of them when she ran off to an animal exhibit on the other side of "Morocco." 

"Look at the apes! The look so human." She cooed, pressing her hand up to the glass that separated her from the hairy primates. 

"Yeah, and that one looks exactly like Goyle." Ron sniggered, dodging Malfoy's irritated smacking. Harry wasn't interested with the big monkeys, though. He wanted to see the big cats. 'Ooh, kitties.' 

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McGonagall's and Snape's group walked over to the "Edge of Africa," Harry in the lead, where they got to see the lackadaisical lions sprawled out on sun-bleached rocks, soaking in the warm rays, and ignoring the "here, kitty-kitty"s of the children. Draco and Harry were leaning very far over the fence, calling to the majestic animals, but they too were being slighted. 

After they all lost interest, Lucius demanded that they ride the "Montu," a huge inverted monster of a roller coaster, towering over the "Egypt" section of the park. The students (except for Neville) eagerly ran ahead, pausing only to have a quick walk-through of "King Tut's Tomb." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In no time, Ron, Hermione, Parvati, and Lavender were strapped into the back row, as were Lucius, Draco, Harry, and Severus in the front seats. Severus watched the metal floor of the deck drop out, and everyone's legs dangled, swinging in time to their pulse rate. 'Why in the Hell am I doing this?' he grimaced mentally, white-knuckling the yellow harness pressing down on his chest. The Malfoys whooped when the huge metal ride started clanking up the initial drop. 

Fifteen seconds later, they were at the top of the hill, looking at the sixty foot twist awaiting them. Lucius, his son, and Harry screamed as they careened down at eighty miles per hour, legs flying behind them. Severus bit back a shriek of terror, but his eyelids were glued to his eyebrows, heart almost flinging itself out of his throat. He did NOT like roller coasters.

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After they clambered off the deck of the ride, legs wobbly with the after-effects of the adrenaline, they passed the photo stand. Harry looked at the pictures that were taken of them on the ride, during the first plunge. Lucius and Draco looked as if they were in pure ecstacy, Harry was laughing, tears flying out of his eyes at the wind, and Severus....oh God. Harry doubled over with merriment when he saw how wide his teacher's eyes could go, and the look of utter horror on his features. The black hair whipped around his cheeks and neck, and the vein clearly visible under the skin of his temple, was too comic to imagine for anyone, let alone Snape. Harry bought it in a snow globe, not caring about the inflated price. He had the Potions Master, balanced on the verge of wetting himself, riding a roller coaster, in a snow globe. It was so worth the fifteen dollars. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~author's note: sorry that was so friggin' short, but I'm a bit cut for time right now. Maybe I'll get a couple of hours before I leave for the airport this week, and squeeze another chapter in there! Thanks for being so patient! 


	4. Busch Gardens Part II

Harry Potter and the Beach Vacation: chapter 4

  
  


pairings: HP/SS, HG/RW

  
  


author's note: I'm back now, and I have tons of ideas, so I'll keep the chapters coming for a while. Thanks for your reviews and patience!

  
  


Disclaimer: Same as last chapter, all rides and other attractions in quotes are copyrighted by Busch Gardens, and Warner Bros. And J.K. Rowling own Harry Potter.

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The day was great for everyone.....except poor Severus. They had ridden every single roller coaster in the park, and Lucius had graciously handed over his dare money. But he almost soiled himself on the "Gwazi," a huge double wooden coaster that twisted and tangled over and under each other, both cars coming within arms' reach of the passengers. Harry had squished himself comfortably on his left side, whooping and laughing with the rest of the group(save Neville.) So it wasn't that bad, when he looked back on it. 

"Isn't this great, Severus? I knew you would enjoy it once you loosened up a bit." Lucius chuckled, misconstruing the Potions Master's frozen grimace for a smile. Snape just gave the tall blonde a look of utter disbelief, and idly meandered into a sweet shop. 

Harry grinned. He needed to stock up on some candy, and he was having a particular craving for......

"Yes!" Ron and Draco jumped as the Boy Who Lived shouted and ran to the Custom Confections counter, hurrying to buy half a dozen chocolate covered strawberries.

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Snape choked on his vanilla milkshake when he saw the object of his desire day-dreamily stroll through the large store, glancing every now and then at a display of tooth-aching candy, while sucking on a large juicy strawberry, chocolate sauce lazily dripping down his fingers, only to be scooped up with his cute little pink tongue. Harry bit slowly into the berry, eyes shutting in pleasure. From across the room, the man could hear his guttural groan of happiness. 

"Severus! Where are you going?!" Lucius yelled as the khaki clad teacher dashed at break-neck speed out of the shop.

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Neville and Pansy were very persistent that they attend the 1:00 show of "World Rhythms on Ice," which Snape and Lucius actually enjoyed, though they would rather kiss Voldemort's shiny bare ass before admitting it...ever. 

With one last stop at the "Edge of Africa" gift shop, they made their way out of the park, and back onto the big ugly bus. 

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Somewhere through the trip back home, Dumbledore saw fit to loose his mind temporarily and blast the entire group with a "Sing to Me" charm. They could only sing out titles and snippets of songs, and could not talk normally, nor control the volume of their voices. And the songs popped out randomly, under no jurisdiction of the conscious thinker. 

Hermione was hitting her head against the seat in front of her, trying to stop herself singing "The Wheels on the Bus," and Ron chimed, "Shebangs, shebangs!" 

"One-eyed one-horned, flying purple people eater!" Seamus sang very off-key. Pansy had her hand clapped over her mouth, but she couldn't hold it in and burst out "mmm dada, dada, Dude looks like a laaaady!" at Lucius Malfoy, who fought to reach the crooning teen's neck. Draco pulled on his shirt and bellowed "Papa can you hear me?" 

"I like it, I love it, I want some more of it!" Harry sang with an uncharacteristic Texas twang towards his seat mate, Severus. The professor turned around with a cringe and replied in song,"Ooooh, my love, my darling, I've hungered for your touch," and Harry finished for him," a long, lonely time....." Okay, getting mushy. 

Dumbledore, who had cackled until tears rolled down his cheeks, waved his wand, and everyone stopped singing. Thank God, Severus thought, not meeting his crush's eyes. How utterly humiliating. 

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At the hotel that night, everyone jumped into the pool. After several games of "Marco Polo," in which Snape was the undefeated champion, they had a huge buffet dinner, then collapsed onto their beds.

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*Harry welcomed Severus into his arms, laughing with him, planting loving kisses along his jawbone. Severus pulled his chin up so that he was gazing into deep black orbs, full of heated passion. His thin lips slowly parted, and in the teen's ear he whispered, "I love you..."* Snape woke up, wondering why he was awake, when he heard his name whispered in a heated fervor, bed sheets being yanked this way and that, and a boy grunting in annoyance. 

He let his eyes get used to the darkness, then scanned the room. Harry was moaning 'Severus, oh Sev,' hugging his pillow like it was no tomorrow, and his bedmate Ron was slowly wakening.

"Wha choo goin' on about, Harry?" He muttered, his squinted eyes glazed with dreams. 

'Oh God, Weasley's going to wake up and hear Harry whispering my name like that.....gotta stop him!' and the potions teacher shot out of his comfortable cocoon of bed sheets, crossed the two feet between him and the boys, and then clapped a hand over Harry's mouth....and cast a quiet deep-sleep spell on the red head. Then he backtracked. Harry was having a wet dream about HIM! 'He likes me!' Oooh, things were about to get fun. 

The tall man sighed, relief washing over him, when he felt a warm tongue slide slowly over his palm. Yikes!! Then, blackness. 

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Day Three: morning

Harry woke bright and early, stretched, and swung his legs over the side of the bed. And met something warm and soft. 

He looked down, and gasped, surprised to see his Potions Professor, the object of his dreams, sprawled on the floor like a passed out drunk. Ron woke with a start, and saw as well the odd posture of their chaperone. Huh. Well wasn't that odd. He leaned over his friend, and slapped the man on the face twice.

"Had too many nuclear kamikazes, sir?" He grinned. 

'Why the hell am I on the floor?! All I remember was....Potter likes me! And then he licked me! Damn! I must've...fainted. I'm turning into a pansy!!' Snape blinked and shot up like a rocket, hitting Harry smartly on the leg for the kamikaze comment he heard somewhere. 

"Wasn't me!" The Boy-Who-Lived griped, massaging his calve. 

"Count yourselves lucky that I'm not remembering that to take off points." he muttered.

"Wow, he MUST'VE had too much to drink!" 

"Shut up, Weasley!"

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"So sir, what're we doing today? I need to start bracing myself." Draco smirked, shoveling syrupy pancakes into his maw. Hermione flounced over to their table and sat down on Ron's lap. She helped herself to his bacon while Snape went over their day plans. 

"We're going to the beach....ah, and then we'll come back here quick and then head over to the local mall...it's supposedly very nice. So only the essentials in your packs, please. Sun lotion, cover shirt, towel....Longbottom, you are welcome to take any sand toys." Neville flushed and whimpered. Harry and Ron shot withering glares at Snape, but they only bounced off his repelling shield. 

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author's note: please read and review! I need Draco pairing suggestions!


	5. Beached

Harry Potter and the Beach Vacation: chapter 5

  
  


pairings: HP/SS, DM/NL, RW/HG

  
  


author's note: Short Chapter! I have gotten many requests for Draco/Neville, and I think that fits in nicely with my grand scheme! On with the show!

  
  


The beach was blazing with light and heat. Harry had to sprint on his tiptoes to keep the burning sand from swamping his sandals. Snape and the rest of the group trailed behind him, carrying various parcels. Lucius and Draco were dragging a cooler between them, Neville had a boogie-board and the umbrella, and Ron was carrying a huge bag of various plastic shovels, buckets, and sieves. Harry and Ron didn't care if Snape sneered at their grabbing for the toys, they were gonna build a sand castle!

The other groups planted themselves about ten feet from the water's edge, then they all dropped their packs as one and charged, screaming, into the water. Harry started to follow the others' lead when he stopped short, trying to look exasperated. It wasn't working very well, since his eyes shone with a wicked gleam. 

"Bloody Hell, I forgot to put on lotion! Ron-er...." He trailed off, noticing that everyone except McGonagall and Snape were splashing in the water playfully. His Transfiguration teacher was spreading out a towel, and laying down belly-first to sunbathe. 

Snape was setting up the umbrella and chairs. Harry tiptoed over to him. 

"Ah, Professor? I was wondering if you could, ah...." He held out the sun tan lotion bottle, and turned around, pointing at his unprotected back. Snape started, horrified at what he was being asked to do, because he desperately wanted to do it. 'Aaaw, shite' he thought ruefully, continuing to fiddle with the umbrella. 

"Can't Weasley or Granger, or even that bloody Hagrid help you?" He sniped, rearranging the beach chairs next. 

"They are already in the water, and you're right here, so please?" And reluctantly, Snape took the bottle, and squirted a small portion into his hand. Phase One of Operation Snape Seduction has commenced.

Harry gasped as the cold liquid was pressed into his back by warm hands. Snape moved them fast over his shoulder blades and neck, then down to his lower back. Harry made sure to moan appreciatively, and had to hide a smirk when Snape's hands trembled slightly. Abruptly, all the nice lotion massaging stopped, and Harry whined mournfully.

"Done. Now get out of my sight." The tall man muttered, wiping his hands on a towel, and dropping himself into one of the brilliantly striped chairs. Harry made pouty lips and hopped over to the water. He made sure to give the potions professor a great view of his bum as he leaned over to pick up shells. Snape deliberately ignored him when Harry turned his way, but stared transfixed at his crush's butt when no one was looking. Then Ron called to his best friend, who laughed and dove straight into the chilly water. When he popped back up, Snape shivered when the teen cried out from the cold sensation. Hair dripping wet, breathing heavily, with trunks sticking to his thighs and his mouth open with pleasant shock, Harry was Snape's Beach Sex God. 

An hour later, the boys and Hermione were immersed in making a gigantic sand replica of Hogwarts. Dumbledore and Hagrid were eagerly involved. The old headmaster was absorbed in placing dried seaweed, sea grape leaves, and shells strategically among the castle's parapets and turrets. Hagrid was carting buckets of wet sand from the surf edge to their building site. Harry and his friends were coated in a thick layer of sand. Draco was actually participating, much to Snape's utter astonishment. He was busy assisting Neville in happily collecting seashells for the decorations. They also seemed to be enjoying a conversation of mindless chatter. 

Lucius, soaked from his swim, collapsed next to his Slytherin peer. "Beautiful day, eh?" 

Snape stared at the blonde man. "Have you utterly lost your senses? It's absolutely disgusting!" The elder Malfoy laughed and pinched the professor's pallid cheek. "You never were one for good wholesome sunshine, were you, Vampire?" Snape tried to look dignified while the wealthy pureblood shook his face like a slab of flubber. Needless to say he didn't pull it off. 

"Geroff me, you imbecilic maniac!" Severus shook off the laughing Malfoy, pushed himself out of his chair, and headed down to the water. Harry waited until the man had fully submerged himself in the salt water before getting up from the sand castle, yelling that he was going to wash off, and charging into the ocean. Snape never knew what hit him.

He was sweeping the water from his eyes, when something pinched his ass. Yelping and spinning in the water, he didn't spot what caused his bum to sting. But when he finished his 360, all he saw was Harry Potter, a freakishly large grin on his face, emerging from the water to help finish the work of art in the sand. And Snape only imagined the sexy teen winking seductively at him....right?

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At the hotel, everyone dried off and hopped into the shower in turn. Donning their casual muggle clothes, the group headed out of the suite with their eyes bright, hair shampooed, and pockets full of American money begging to be spent. Off to the mall they went!

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author's note: *sighs exasperatedly (is that a word? My spell checker doesn't seem to think so)* I finally finished this chapter. Sorry it took forever. I'm currently working on my other stories, so I have to squeeze in this one inbetween those. Thanks to everyone who reviewed! Please continue doing so! 


	6. The Mall

Harry Potter and the Beach Vacation: chapter 6

  
  


pairings: HP/SS, DM/NL, HG/RW, LM/HG

  
  


author's note: All better, sorry it took so long! 

  
  


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Hermione, as the rest of the females in their Year, shrieked in delight at the huge GRAND SALE sign that plastered all of the Mall entrances. The boys groaned for show, but many were secretly pleased just as much as the girls. Snape, however, was not one of them. 

Harry checked out a fashionable and highly comfortable jean jacket in GAP that was 50% off, and Hermione convinced Ron to buy new boxers that were on clearance, as his were terribly threadbare and drab. Lucius bought Draco a huge Waterford Crystal chandelier (nowhere near any sale signs), for no apparent reason except because he could. Neville paid for a cute little bonsai tree, of course. Snape however, purchased nothing but a Chick-Fil-A value meal. 

Harry smirked as the teacher wolfed down the chicken nuggets and waffle fries, and quipped, "Munchies?" 

Snape glared at him from over his Coke cup. "The American South is the only location of this particular franchise, and I have yet to sample chicken nuggets of this quality in England, nor have I found the damned secret recipe." At Harry's incredulous raised-eyebrow, he picked a nugget out of the bag and proffered it to the Seventh Year, who bit into it slowly, curious as to why Severus would find it as such a rare delicacy. 

Snape smirked as the Boy Who Lived's eyes shuddered in ecstacy as the teen brusquely headed off towards the Chick-Fil-A stand in the Food Court, licking his fingers with a hungry look on his face. 

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Draco and Lucius had become very popular as they ambled together through the central part of the Mall, window-shopping and idly making father-son chit chat. Guys and girls, young and old, stopped dead in their tracks and openly gawped at the two Elvish beauties. The Malfoys paid no heed to the fawning crowd, but continued to walk at a leisurely pace. Whispers ran through the groups of onlookers, as people followed the males with their eyes. 

"Hey, doesn't the tall dude look something like that dude in that one movie?"

"Yeeeeah, the dude with the blonde hair!"

"Dude!" 

Lucius raised a beautifully arched eyebrow at these remarks, and retorted, "We aren't stupid muggle actors! We are royalty!"

The Americans started rummaging through their purses for pens and paper to ask of autographs, the murmuring of, "Royals! They're from England! Oooooh! The accents!" grew more intense, and Harry moved forward to shout at the Malfoys: they were in grave, GRAVE peril!. But he was too late.

Suddenly, the whole assembly, as one giant entity, shrieked at broke into a maddeningly insane dash at the two Adoniss'. Lucius's eyes widened with fear as girl after lustful girl threw herself atop him. "Legolas! My KING! I love youuu! Can I have your autograph?! A hug?!" The crowd engulfed the stricken blondes in a heartbeat. Draco totally freaked, and was currently bolting down the length of the Mall, scores of fans, shouting "Prince! Sign my ass!" hot on his heels. Harry was also caught in the pandemonium when a pack of the teenagers noticed his beautiful physique, and when he made the blunder of opening his mouth and saying, "what?" they heard his wonderful British intonation. 

"Frodo!!!" They rushed at him, and he could do little to keep them from ripping his clothes off. He too set off at a break-neck sprint. And to his infinite amusement as he looked back on the event later, Severus was also tossed into the throng, shouting British-enunciated insults as Harry was swept away from his side. Women turned to fawn over his aristocratic feature, and his dead sexy brooding aura. Some actually fainted upon touching him. But Harry was too scared to laugh right now. . 

The Potions teacher yelped when a dozen teenage girls pressed themselves to him from every angle He fought his way through to Harry, who had been snagged by his ankles and yanked down to the floor. 

Snape was worried that he might have been trampled, but when he reached the Teen Who Kept Living, the boy was laughing insanely. He had lost his bloody beans. 

Snape bent to pull Harry up, and was tossed to the ground next to him by the excited crowd. The raven-haired teen giggled, and rolled over until he was lying on his professor's torso. Their faces were just inches away from each other, and Snape was terrified to notice that Harry had stopped that annoying snickering, looking at his with desiring angst in his eyes. And just as he was about to shove Potter off him, the insufferable, obnoxious, delectable youth leaned in and pecked him innocently, yet soundly, on the mouth. 

The crowd of girls stepped back and 'awwww'ed and cooed at the scene. The boys who had been harassing them were torn: half had endearing looks on their faces, and the others turned away with exaggerated faces of sickness. Just as Dumbledore, resplendent in a new obscenely-bright tropical shirt, started rounding up the scattered Hogwarts groups, he spotted the couple and their enormous audience. The girls and boys who had chased Draco and tackled Lucius had dragged said wizards with them to watch the romantic scene. Poor Elder Malfoy was looking very harassed....his hair was tangled, and his clothing was torn in several places. A nasty sneaker-shaped bruise was starting to appear on his left cheek.

Draco was sobbing quietly....the girls holding him captive were hugging him with beastly intensity, and a grinning teenage boy had a hand tangled in the white-blonde hair. Dumbledore whispered a spell under his breath, and suddenly Harry, Snape, Lucius, and Draco disappeared from the vice clutches of American fangirls.

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Outside, the four men appeared quite suddenly onto the bus, spooking everyone already seated. Ron jumped as Severus and Harry materialized in the seat in front of him. They were still lip-locked, but Snape pulled them apart before people could notice. 

Dumbledore stepped onto the bus, and signaled for silence. "Mr. Longbottom, count off!" 

Neville called out, "One!" And everyone shouted their number as the line snaked down to the back of the automobile. Finally ending with Blaise Zabini, the Headmaster strapped himself into the driver's seat and pulled out of the Mall, much to the relief of the four men who were attacked within it.

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After a scrumptious dinner at Chili's, Snape and Lucius ushered their herd into the suite at the hotel, both men eager to get a good night's sleep. The boys quickly changed into trunks and pelted out to the pool, leaving the Slytherin alumni alone. 

"What happened today, Severus?" Lucius inquired, seating himself opposite Snape at the breakfast table. The potions master gave him "The Look."

"We were trampled by a stampede of witless, hormonal twits." He barked, taking a sip of coffee. Lucius chuckled softly.

"You know what I mean. Was it intentional?" 

Severus closed his eyes, remembering the look in Harry's eyes as he pressed his soft, tender lips to his. "No idea."

"Did you like it?" 

Snape stood and crossed the room to the couch, and tossed a throw-pillow at the tall blonde's head. "You pervert! That is NONE of your concern!" 

Malfoy laughed, clutching the pillow to his chest. "You LOVED it! I just knew you were hopelessly infatuated with the bloody boy!" The professor whined in exhaustion, and promptly tossed his weary body onto one of the twin beds. 

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Harry crept out of the pull-out couch, glancing at the digital alarm clock glowing on the nightstand, and was pleased to see that it was 1:26, everyone must be dead asleep. He tiptoed over to the right twin bed, and slid himself over the lightly snoring body. It jerked awake instantly.

"Wha-?" It muttered, strong hands grasping his shoulders. He pressed his mouth the Snape's, silencing him. Said teacher moaned in response, grasping thin hips as they straddled his waist. "Why are you doing this to me, Harry?" he whispered in the teen's ear, making him shiver. 

"I want to. I've wanted to for a long while, now. And you want it, too." He responded, plastering himself down to mould perfectly with the body beneath his, and dove into another kiss.

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Hermione snuck into the living room of Ron's suite silently, shutting the door with a barely audible click. She made her way through the Floridian-style arch, only tripping a bit over someone's cluttered clothes. The teen almost shrieked when someone moved on the pull-out couch, but checked herself, and skirted to the other side of the room. 

Inside the bedroom, she stalked over to the left twin bed, and crawled under the covers. She had waited two days after her first error to try again, and now she quivered in excitement. She had missed her boyfriend's body pressed up to hers. Her hormones went into overdrive, and her lips descended onto cool, thin ones. They opened to welcome her, and she whimpered quietly as the kiss became more and more intense.....she and Ron had never been this carnal with their lip-locking. She tangled her hands in his long, silky strands......when did he grow it out this long?

Wait a minute.....

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Ron bolted upright in his cot as a girlish shriek echoed through the room. Rushing to the light switch, he flipped it. And fell back onto his cot is disbelief. 

Hermione, HIS girlfriend, was in sitting atop a very amused looking Lucius bloody Malfoy. And across from his makeshift bed, Harry and Snape were snogging the life out of each other. Ron's scream was indistinguishable from Hermione's. 

He dashed for the door. He had to GET OUT. Turning on another light switch so he could see where he was running, two figures moved on the pull-out. But the red-head couldn't even muster a scream, he was so deeply in shock. Draco Malfoy, bane of every Gryffindor, was in the passionate embrace of Neville Longbottom, both shirtless, both sweaty, both very blind by the sudden bright light.

Ron turned on his heel and sat down on his cot. He looked up at a startled Harry, Hermione, Lucius, and Snape, and burst into tears.

"W-WHY AM I TH-THE ONLY ONE N-NOT GETTING ANY?!" He shouted through his sobs, and all the light bulbs in the room shattered in his anxiety. 

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author's note: *wipes forehead with handkerchief* Phew! Glad I got that out finally! Next chapter will be the Rapids Water Park! Woo! Please review! 


	7. just making sure ya'll saw the update:

Just a note: 

  
  
  
  


Since the new chapter replaced the apology notice, I don't think ff.n has seen it as an update, so this is to let you know that the new chapter is up. Thanks, hope I didn't confuse you!


	8. Bowls can be bad for youdon' cha know

Harry Potter and the Beach Vacation: chapter 7

  
  


pairings: HP/SS, RW/HG, NL/DM

  
  


author's note: Thanks for your reviews! Sorry this chapter took so long! 

  
  


Oh, and I need to ask a favor from you all: A while ago I had read this HP/SS fanfic where Harry had accidentally pronounced an incantation while holding his wand, and it hit Snape and bound them as soul mates. They couldn't go for a long time without touching each other, and I seem to remember "bond rings" that helped them cope with separation. And I can just think of one scene, where Snape pulls Harry behind a tapestry so they could hug. I THINK it was called, "The Ties that Bind," but I can't find it on ff.n. If any of you know what story I'm talking about and can provide me the author's name or a link, I will dedicate the next chapter to you, and shower you with my gratitude!

  
  


On with the show!

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The next morning was the most awkward yet. Ron had refused to talk to Snape, Lucius, Draco, Harry, Neville, or Hermione, so he was currently stuck between Dumbledore and McGonagall, as they made kissy faces at each other. He looked particularly uncomfortable....AND pissy. 

Amazingly, Harry's friends had taken his love for their greasy teacher quite well.....only a hand full of temper tantrums, a measly THREE migraines, one case of attempted suicide (Ron), and tears all around. Not bad at all. 

"Um, Harry? What should I say to Ron to make him forgive me? I mean, this is TWICE I've pounced on the wrong guy! I'm so embarrassed!" Hermione whispered to her friend. 

"You really have no reason to be. You are a superb kisser, Miss Granger." Lucius smirked, amused at the pink tinge that crept up to Hermione's face. He had thoroughly enjoyed last night. HE was the one who convinced Draco to creep out of bed and confess his love to Neville. HE had listened with glee when Harry crawled into Snape's bed, and HE had been most pleased when Hermione foolishly threw herself on top of him. Yes, it had been a good night. 

Harry didn't answer his friend since all thought was concentrated with the ferocious game of Footsie he was engaged in with Severus under the table. She poked him hard, and he jerked back into attention. He scratched his head, thinking. "No idea, 'Mione. How 'bout flowers?"

"Flowers?! Give Ron daisies? That's crazy.....so crazy, it Just. Might. Work!" And she was gone before anyone could blink. That was just fine with Harry. More Footsie time.

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The 7th years, clad in their uniform trunks and swimsuits, all piled into the bus again, this time for a short drive over to the local water park, Rapids. Tubing with Snape....Harry couldn't think of anything more erotic. 

Dumbledore drove them to the monstrously enormous tangle of water slides and tubes. It was so tempting on this hot, humid South Floridian day that the teens and teachers scrambled over each other to get through the ticket barrier. 

"Oooh, lookit the bowl thingies! We have GOT to ride those!" Ron yelled, forgetting his earlier grudge against his group and girlfriend. Hermione had presented him with roses, daisies, baby's breath, and lilies. He had cried in happiness, and after five minutes in a broom closet, both stumbled out, wearing floppy grins on their faces. 

Harry looked from Snape to a nearby custodian closet longingly, but his "boyfriend" gave him a gentle push past it. Dammit.

"Later." That deep voice purred in his ear, and the teen bit his lip to keep from making any carnal noises. He forced himself to think about McGonagall in a thong before sitting down in a beach chair. Dumbledore passed out magical "bracelets" that kept track of everyone, and alerted the wearer when the school was leaving for the bus. 

Snape didn't want to go on any of the big rides just yet, so he, Harry, Ron, Hermione, Lucius, and Draco-n-Neville(as they were now called, since they now acted as one entity, joined hip-to-hip) grabbed tubes and wandered into the Lazy River. 

Lucius tormented everyone by magically triggering the water cannons that were positioned along the walls of the "river." Hermione was knocked out of the double tube she shared with her boyfriend when one went off four feet from her body. Ouch.

At the entrance to the Tubing Tornadoes, Harry tugged Severus up from their double tube and led the party to the long line for the ride. In twenty five minutes, it was their turn to plunge down the dark, soppy depths. 

Harry was giddy with adrenaline, and he sat in the tube hole in front of his lover, eager to be moving. When the lifeguard motioned, he propelled them forward. But the problem was, Snape hadn't fully wedged him bum securely in the tube hole yet.

Harry didn't realize his lover was, quite literally, "flying by the seat of his pants, " until he looked back after a particularly sharp turn, and got an eye-full of Snape Butt. It was a wonder he could see at all in this almost pitch-black ride, but wizard eyes, even ones that need glasses, are more honed for night vision. The teacher had slipped from the tube almost completely. Had his trunks not snagged on one of the hand-holds. And after that turn, his swim suit began slipping off.......Harry was quick to try and pull him back in, but the slide was sloshing him around so much, that he couldn't get a good grip.....

"Nooo! Not the hair!" Severus shrieked as he was bodily tugged back onto the raft-like craft by his scalp. 

"I'm sorry! It's the only thing I could get a hold of!"

Snape flushed, but said nothing as they shot out of the end of the intensely long tunnel. At least only Harry had seen him almost naked. Thank goodness it wasn't Weasley....or Granger. She might decide to jump HIM next. Ew!

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Harry said nothing about the incident, and Severus was eternally grateful. They jumped into the Big Surf pool, where the two met up with the others after they too came shooting out of the ride. The Pool was bliss while the hot South Florida sun beat down on their sensitive British skin, and even Severus could be seen with *almost* a smile. 

The waves carried the teens two feet off the pool floor, and they amused themselves with a game of "Extreme Marco Polo." Their tournament grew steadily larger as more and more students, and other visitors, joined into the fun. And poor Lucius was caught in the middle. 

Snape could not understand WHY the blonde had decided to get into the pool, being hydrophobic.....but now the man was trying to doggie-paddle away from "Marco." He squeaked out "polo," but Draco was hot on his tail. He screeched when his son propelled himself forward suddenly and tackled him underwater. The younger Malfoy didn't hold him under for long, however. He knew his father would disown him if he traumatized him TOO much.

In the end of the game, some muggle child from the locality won. Dumbledore, when the little girl wasn't looking, cast a "good fortune" spell on her as a prize. She had bested a bucket load of fully developed wizards in a pool with seven foot waves. Impressive.

Harry and his friends jumped in line for the Baby Blue Superbowl ride. It was an enormous circular plastic pit that had it's rider whirling around and around until they fell out of the drain-like hole in it's center, where a deep pool was waiting to break their fall. It looked like loads of fun to the 7th years....it just made Severus and Lucius want to puke with nausea. But they hopped in line anyway, Severus doing it for Harry, and Lucius doing it to show he wasn't a pansy.

A long wait later, Harry lowered himself into the chute and pushed off, immediately being snatched up by the water flow, and shooting at high-speed into the "Bowl." He whooped with thrill, and spun around until his body slipped through the drain. Sploosh! Sev's turn now. Happy happy joy joy.

He repeated his young lover's process, and shut his eyes tight as he zoomed along the tube. "Eeeeeeeeie!" Was all he allowed himself to say while his body rotated along the walls of the bowl in the steady water flow. 

Around and around and around he went....it really was rather hypnotizing....he felt his body go numb, and loosen. He was a swimming puddle of fleshy ooze......around and around.....getting woozy.....around and around.....'I'm gonna puke....'

His body slid into the drain, and fell like a bullet into the twelve foot depths that instantly aggravated his vertigo. Severus couldn't find "up." 

The lifeguard waiting for his nudged him up with a hard metal pole until he finally floating to the surface, and Harry tugged his arm until they were back outside, in the warm sunshine. He was NEVER going to go swim in a gigantic BOWL ever AGAIN.

Suddenly, every Hogwarts students' bracelets started tingling with alert. And every person wearing them all around the park cried out in alarm. They zapped like static electricity! Damn that crazy old Headmaster! Well, time to go....aaaaaaw.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On their way out, Harry spotted the broom closet in which he had gazed at longingly earlier that day. He looked meaningfully at his boyfriend. "It's later...." he said, with a waggle of the eyebrows.

Snape shot a glance around, and yanked open the door, tossing Harry and himself inside. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Ron? Have you seen Harry?"

"Nope. Wait....I thought I just saw him go into some room. Maybe it was the loo. I'll go check, k?"

"Alright. I'll save us a seat on the bus....and tell him to hurry up!" Hermione said quickly, mowing down some of the smaller 7th years to get a prime seat on the ride home. Ron walked over to the door he had seen his best friend disappear into just five minutes ago. Huh. That looked kinda like a broom closet.....not a loo. He pulled open the door.

"AAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author's Note: Woo! I'm am SO sorry that took so long! I'm back in high school, and I just haven't found the time nor the energy to work on it much. I'm afraid it will be like that for a while, I might work out a one-update-per-week system to incorporate into my hectic schedule.....Thanks for reading! Please review! 


	9. Rocky Horror Picture Show Part I

Harry Potter and the Beach Vacation: chapter 8

  
  


pairings: HP/SS, RW/HG, NL/DM

  
  


author's note: woo! I'm hooked on the Rocky Horror Picture soundtrack right now, so I've decided to put a little bit of my favorite track in this chappie and the next. Hope you enjoy!

  
  


THIS CHAPTER IS DEDICATED TO CORGIL *aka Jennif8732*, MIA SNAPE, SHADOWKISSED, BEC, and KELLY *aka OmbreEmbrassee* for providing me with the exact information I had been fruitlessly hunting for. Pledges is the one! Also, thanks to Mikee for your link, it wasn't the one I was looking for, but *hugs* for your help anyway! 

  
  


Disclaimer: I do not own Rocky Horror Picture Show, but if I did, wouldn't that just kick ASS?! Neither do I own HP.

  
  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"What the bloody hell are you two doing?!" Ron shrieked, throwing a hand over his eyes to keep from seeing the compromising position his best friend was in with their potions master. 

"Honestly Ron, what does it look like we're doing? Thumb-wrestling?" Harry scoffed, brushing off his knees as he stood up. Snape discreetly zipped up his fly. Good thing they were pretty much finished by the time they were interrupted so suddenly. 

"Obliviate." Severus muttered, his wand pointed straight between Ron's eyebrows. A dreamily vague expression washed over his freckled face. 

"Why, hello there Harry. And Professor Snape, how lovely. You're in a broom closet."

Snape raised his right eyebrow. "How astute, Mr. Weasley. Five points to Gryffindor."

Harry and Ron beamed, though for different reasons. 

"We were looking for a broom." Harry whispered in his best friend's ear, and gently shooed him off to the bus. He turned back to his older beau, whistled shrilly and ran his hand through his ruffled hair. 

"That was a close one." 

"Indeed."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"And why on earth would you rent THAT particular movie, Headmaster?" Severus fumed to his employer, waving around the bag of Blockbuster rentals the old man had been compelled to get...WITHOUT his knowledge. Everyone in the Holiday Inn stared oddly at them.

"I have a fond memory of the private production the Slytherins put on in your 7th year, my boy. How could you forget your splendid performance of Dr. Frank-"

"Shush!" Severus covered the old man's mouth as some of the Gryffindors walked by, shooting amused glances at him. How he HATED that look....

"I don't remember you being there! How did you know about that? It was a secret fund raiser for the local orphan.....!" He slapped his hands over his mouth at his error. No one was supposed to know the soft and caring side to the Slytherin house, and now the Headmaster had a valuable blackmail chip against him. Damn it!

"My dear boy, I have my ways of seeing everything that goes on in my school. And don't worry, I know all about the annual charity work your House does in secret. I was thinking about making the whole school do one, for a new musical branch of education! We need funds for instruments, books, etc etc! I want a magical orchestra and marching band for the quidditch games!" Dumbledore proclaimed, spreading his arms wide and crushing his Potions master in a vice of a hug. Snape wheezed, trying to pull out of the embrace. 

"Headmaster! I can't breathe!"

Dumbledore let go of him, and patted his dark head in a fatherly way. "So sorry Severus. I just have so much joy, I have to hand some out! Harry, son!" As the teen walked by, the old wizard swooped down on him and hugged the living daylights out of the startled savior. Harry squeaked in alarm. Snape started to wonder if Harry's eyeballs would pop out from the pressure, when he was mercifully released. 

They both stood there gasping for breath when their eccentric mentor just started picking folk up off the street and twirling them around like dolls. Snape had to admit it to himself, though. Seeing these people's expressions was pretty damn funny.

About five minutes later, Harry noticed the Blockbuster bag. "What's that?"

"The Headmaster has decided to rent a few movies for all of us to enjoy."

Harry beamed. "Well that was nice of him. What'd he rent?" Severus rifled through the bag. 

"Ah.....Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Shrek, Titanic......and Rocky Horror Picture Show. But we'll forget the last one."

"Nonsense my dear Severus! Harry MUST see the film you obsessed over for a whole year and a half! You went through the halls singing "Time Warp!" I remember it clearly! You played a superb Dr. Frankenfurter!" Dumbledore yelled across the lobby of the Holiday Inn, after setting down a harassed-looking bus boy. Snape groaned and covered his eyes. 

"God shoot me now....." 

*Somewhere in Heaven, God was centering the cross hairs of his Uzi on Severus Snape.*

Harry noticed the little red laser dot on the middle of his lover's forehead, and ran outside to shout towards the heavens, "None of that! He was just kidding!" 

*And God lowered his Uzi in defeat.*

"Well, I must see this Rocky Horror! I'll go get everyone together!" And before Snape could stop him, Harry scampered off to locate every single member of his Year. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

All THIRTY people on their crazy trip crammed themselves into Severus's suite. People were sitting on people who were sitting on more people. Harry, of course, was sprawled on Snape's jean-clad lap. Dumbledore popped Rocky Horror Picture Show in, and returned to sit on Hagrid's left knee (McGonagall was sitting on the right one). 

"Science fiction double feature....."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Snape was utterly exhausted. Not only had the whole damn group decided to watch Rocky Horror THREE bloody times in a row, but Harry had insisted on dancing the Time Warp with him for every viewing. And he had to teach everyone except maybe Lucius and Draco how to dance it. After all, he was the resident expert. 

Harry had thought it was quite adorable when he caught the teacher silently mouthing to every line on the script. He kissed the ceaselessly moving mouth quietly, and snuggled further into his strong arms. Ugh, how he DESPISED cuddling.....well, when it was with anyone but Harry.....

He and Lucius also pointed out what the audience commonly yelled at different points in the movie. During the 2nd showing, everyone finally remembered to scream, "SAY IT!" when Dr. Frank's antici.......................pation line came up. Ah, he would make them decent Rocky Horror fans yet.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After dinner, Harry spoke with Dumbledore about finding a midnight showing of his new cult favorite nearby. Albus was thrilled with the idea, and skipped off immediately to find out. 

"You don't know what you're getting into, you know. Are you sure you wish to do this?" Severus whispered in his ear after the Headmaster left, sending shivers coursing through the teen.

"Of course! I love this movie! I think I'll go as Rocky......" Harry mused, sipping his Coke.

Snape sprayed pina colada over his entire table after an unexpected mental image smacked him in the face.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author's Note: Hmmm, sorry the scenes kinda danced around all higaldy-pigaldy, but that's the way I felt like writing. And it's a bit short because of my lack of Muse and energy. My excuse for this being a bit late: homework.....and sleep. Just can't seem to get enough of it nowadays......I blame my kitten. He doesn't let me go to sleep until 11. But I think I'll get up a "One Update Every Sunday" schedule going, maybe I'll be able to manage that. Tell me what you think! Any suggestions for what happens at the movie? I welcome advice and constructive criticism! 


	10. Rocky Horror Picture Show Part II!

Harry Potter and the Beach Vacation: chapter 9

  
  


pairings: HP/SS, HG/RW, DM/NL

  
  


author's note: Hahaaaa, still on my Rocky Horror hype! Woo! Next chapter is up!

  
  


P.S. note: sorry to all readers who don't have a clue about RHPS, but I promise that this is the last Rocky Horror-based chapter! 

  
  


Severus grumbled outwardly as Harry and Dumbledore tugged him along the street, towards a seedy-looking movie theater with the long title "Rocky Horror Picture Show" emblazoned above. In actuality, he was thoroughly enjoying the feel of Harry's strong fingers entwined with his, but the Headmaster's grip on his other wrist rather dampened the mood. And his leather pants were chafing.......

A doped-up ticket salesman looked so stunned to see so many young faces eager to get in out of the night, that he had them pay $2 for all thirty of their passes, yet Dumbledore slipped him a fifty when he wasn't looking. 

Inside the dark movie theater, about forty-five freakishly-dressed creepers were partying like it was the day before Armageddon. Severus was catapulted into the seventies again, when he was one of them, except with phenomenal cosmic powers.....ahem. He longed to join their carefree frolicking....wait, what the hell was he thinking?! The hallucinogenic-tinged smoke was messing with his mind. 

"This is fantastic! I should have gotten into this before!" Harry exclaimed as they picked their seats, bag of props in hand. He shrugged off his coat, and Severus's breath caught: all the damn hottie was wearing was a tight pair of short SHORT shorts.....with just a hint of butt crack. Lovely. 'Oh, and cutie little gold boots to match......what the-?! I've gotta see my shrink when I get back.' Snape mused, his hands finding place on Harry's shoulders. The young man turned around with a mischievous grin, and tore off the professor's trench coat as well. A dark green turtle neck hugged his torso, while his strong legs were encased in sensual black leather pants. Harry's eyes bugged, but he raised an eyebrow at the ensemble. 

"That's not in the movie...."he complained, but Severus cut him off.

"I realize that. Did you really think that I was going to parade around in front of my students in fishnet stockings and a bikini? Could you actually picture me doing that?" Harry opened his mouth to reply, but Snape clapped a hand over it. "Don't answer that."

Everyone settled down throughout the theater, a dozen groups scattered, all sporting paper bags of the various items of which to throw and/or shower people with. 

The lights dimmed, and the audience cheered, as those famous lips lit up the screen, and sang their tune. Everyone followed Severus's direct instructions about what to throw and when, when to say what to say, and when to dance and how. That was TOO MANY question words in one sentence. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"That was a blast! I loved it! Thanks for introducing me to this, Headmaster!" Many of the students chorused to their beloved teacher as they all poured out of the cinema. Snape gave each of them a sour look when they totally bypassed him. 'Honestly, WHO taught them all the moves? All the sayings? All the songs and props and costumes?! The cheek.' He grumbled mentally, until Harry came out of the doors along with Hermione and Ron. 

"Absolutely hilarious! And the night isn't over! Headmaster says that he booked us a couple of tables at a karaoke club nearby! They're having a Rocky Horror-theme special! "

Oh Merlin.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The bar was smothered in the smell of beer and french fries. Luckily, Amendment Six of the Florida Constitution prohibited smoking in any and all restaurants....so at least they weren't getting lungfuls of carbon monoxide etc to go along with it. 

A bald, mousy-looking man was crooning to the tune of "I'm Going Home" on the brightly illuminated stage. Suddenly, Harry, Ron, and Hermione shot out from the group and tackled him onto the ground, screaming and cursing obscenities at him. The crowd in the bar all watched in alarm, as Snape tried to contain them.

"Harry! Miss Granger! Mr. Weasley! What the blazes are you doing? Trying to get us all arrested?!" 

Harry panted a response. "Peter! Peter Pettigrew!" And the bald man squeaked in alarm, and instantly vanished. A huge rat scampered from beneath the pile of bodies, but Ron saw it just in time. 

"There he goes! Don't loose him!"

McGonagall immediately transformed into a tabby cat, and locked her jaws on the squirming Animagus. "Woo! Go Professor!" Hermione shrieked, making her way over to the cat. 

Severus couldn't believe his eyes when Dumbledore bound and gagged the true Peter Pettigrew, back-stabber of all Gryffindor Golden Boys, and Portkeyed him off to Remus Lupin. Wow. He could never have imagined that it would be THAT easy. 

Suddenly, Lord Voldemort Himself materialized out of the air. "You may have lost me my nanny-er, servant, but I will kill you all nevertheless! Avada-omph!" The evil man grunted as a shot glass collided with his head. He whirled around menacingly. "Who threw that? You shall be the first to die-OW!" And the muggle patrons roared at the ugly old man shouting death threats, tossing beer cans and french fries and barstools and heavy glass mugs at him. "Argh! Stoppit, you inferior dimwits! Bloody Hell!" Voldemort shrieked and tried to get out of the way, but a score of burly NFL-sized men piled on top of him, hollering battle cries like, "For the dimwits!" or "kill the evil genius who hates our guts!" Well, maybe not that last one, but you get the picture. 

All wizard-kind stood stunned behind a wide-eyed Dumbledore. The muggles slowly disentangled themselves from the pile, and everyone got to see the damage. 

Lord Voldemort was now just a funny-shaped smudge on the hardwood floor. Snape ran a hand through his hair after he felt his Dark Mark disappear from his arm with a comical *pop!*and decided to reassess his previous thoughts. 

Yes, it COULD be that easy. 

Dumbledore turned to the stricken muggle crowd. "Oh shit."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One whopping Obliviate later, students were whooping and partying, calling home on the payphones to spread the good news. Others who felt like singing out their jubilation were ushering themselves onto the stage, singing duets to "Dammit, Janet," or "Eddie." Harry had somehow swapped outfits with Hermione(who had gone aaaaas....JANET in lingerie!), traipsed onto the platform, and grabbed the microphone. 

"Tonight I would like to celebrate the Light's victory tonight by singing a special song for my special someone!" He leaned over and cued the DJ, whispering his song of choice into his ear. The teen's hair fanned out as he turned provocatively, locking eyes with Snape. He placed the microphone up to his lips, and started his serenade.

" I was feelin' done in: couldn't win," he displayed his best pouty-lips, "I'd only ever kissed before."

Hermione(Magenta now), and Ron(*gasp!* Columbia), started as his backup. 

"You mean she-?"

"Uh-huh..."

"I thought there's no use getting, into heavy petting. It only leads to trouble aaand, seat wetting...." Harry blushed like a virgin, sending white-hot bolts of electricity down Severus's spine. 

"Now all I want to know, is how to go. I've tasted blood and I want more..."

"More more more!" Hermione and Ron chorused in sultry voices, licking their chops.

"I'll put up no resistance, I want to stay the distance." Harry shut his eyes longingly and swayed his hips. "I have an ITCH to scratch...I need assistance!" 

Snape didn't have a chance to run as the randy young man threw himself at his feet, running his hands up and down his calves and singing, "Touch-a-touch-a-touch-a-touch me! I wanna be dirty! Thrill me chill me fulfill me! Creature of the night!"

"Gah!" Snape cried out in alarm, trying to stop Harry from drawing so much attention to them. And all the little brat did was smile and wink. What an ass.

"And if anything grows, *giggle* while you pose, I'll oil you up and rub you down..."Now those dastardly hands were inching up his thighs, and Severus blushed beet red for the third time in his life as the whole audience shrieked with mirth. All he could do was scoot his chair away from Harry, and pretend that his seductive voice wasn't getting to him. 

"Down down down!" Hermione and Ron sang, with the same coarse voices and lip wetting. 

"And that's just one small fraction, of the main attraction!" His student got off of his knees to swagger back up on-stage, make a dramatic 360 spin, and stare straight at him AGAIN! "You need a friendly hand, oh I need action! Touch-a-touch-a-touch-a-touch me! I wanna be dirty! Thrill me chill me fulfill me! Creature of the night!"

"Touch-a-touch-a-touch-a-touch me!" Ron squeaked.

"I wanna be dirty." Hermione growled back.

"Thrill me chill me fulfill me!" Ron moved closer to his girlfriend, as she groaned her last line and pounced on him, both falling behind the curtain.

"Creature of the night!"

And Harry moved forward again, this time into Severus's rather sensitive lap. The older man mumbled in alarm, and the crowd howled. 

"Oh, touch-a-touch-a-touch-a-TOUCH ME! Ah oh, I wanna be DIRTY! Thrill me chill me fulfill me, creature of the niiiiight!" He crooned, and pointed at Draco. 

"Creature of the night." He said with a dignified tone, whilst sitting on the lap of one Neville Longbottom. The raven-haired savior moved on to his lover. 

"Creature of the night?" The Potions Master said, caught off guard but still remembering the script. Harry laughed and motioned to a random muggle, who immediately replied with the needed line.

"Creature of the night."

"Creature of the niiiight." Hermione moaned from somewhere in the left wing. 

Dumbledore's turn. "Creature of the night..." Wow. Perfect imitation of Riff Raff.

"Creature of the niiight!" Ron squealed soon after. And Harry pointed back to Severus.

"CREATURE OF THE NIGHT!" He yelled, getting into it now.

"Creature of the night!" Harry finished off, and the music died. The crowd, muggles and wizards included, whooped and hollered. The Man Who Lived grinned and took a bow, after climbing off the former Death Eater's lap. 

Severus clutched his head and groaned in pain. Migraine killing his arousal like a locomotive running over a squirrel. Lovely image, no?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"The look on you face, my friend! Oh, I shall always remember that when I am in need of a good laugh!" Lucius chuckled, wiping tears from his eyes. 

Severus gawked at him. "The Dark Lord is turned into a splat on the floor and all you can talk about is my facial expressions? Are you in denial or something?"

"Of course not, I saw it with my own eyes! And just for your information, it was I who threw that first shot glass." Lucius grinned and plopped onto a chair, looking all the part of the heroic cartoon savior. 

Their hotel room was as messy as a pig stye, and The Head of Slytherin grumbled as he tidied up the discarded clothes and bed sheets. 

"Where are the bloody maids?" He growled, tossing all the laundry onto Neville's pull-out couch. 

"I think I am the reason for their absence. I ah.....turned them into newts." The elder Malfoy muttered, fiddling with his wand. Severus glared at his friend and snatched the ebony stick from him. "Let me guess.....on a Monty Python craze now, are we? No more magic for you until we are back in merry ol' England!" 

"But but but! I started the fight in the bar! I brought about the Dark Lord's destruction! I deserve to have a little fun!" Lucius whimpered, waving his arms for his stolen wand. Severus slapped his hands away.

"No! You have been bad! Go to your cot!" And the blonde stomped away, tossing himself down on the rickety little makeshift bed, almost collapsing it. What a baby.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The wizardlings returned from their 2 AM swim in the pool drenched and pruny. Well, all except for Harry, whose skin glistened with pearls of water droplets, and whose hair clung to his face in slick, gleaming rivulets.....

All five men watched in mixed alarm and awe as Severus Snape screamed and ran straight into a wall, knocking himself out in the process. 

Ron turned to Neville. "Hey! He did that scene from the Mummy! Remember, the guy with the bug in his skin? Yeah!" 

Harry smacked his friend as he rushed to Severus's side. 'Oooh, big ugly red bump on the forehead. Wonder what caused him to go so bananas.' The teen mused, as he peeled off his towel and ran it over his body. 'What a strange man.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author's Note: Woo! Finished AT LAST! I am so sorry for the endless time span between these chapters, but between school, family, and extracurricular activities, I am hard-pressed to find quality time with my computer. I hope the longer chapter compensates a bit, but I really am working hard to finish this fic so that I can move on to my other WIPs. Thank you for being so patient! 


	11. Professor Dumbledore's Sexy Beard

Harry Potter and the Beach Vacation: chapter 10

  
  


pairings: HP/SS, RW/HG, DM/NL

  
  


Author's Note: Hope everyone had a Happy Thanksgiving, here is the next chapter!

  
  


At four o'clock in the morning, Hermione sneakily crept into the boy's suite. She was going to find Ron this time. She was going to have a midnight romp if it killed her. 

She had strictly commanded him to sleep on the cot tonight, and he promised her with a wink that he would not forget. He said he wanted it as bad as she did.

So over to the cot she went, tiptoing past a silent Severus, and a loudly snoring Harry and Neville. The makeshift bed was in the corner, covered in complete black shadows. It was incredibly hard to see where Ron was, so she just hopped in, wincing as the springs creaked in anger.

The sleeping figure grunted, and rolled over to spoon her. She smiled. Haha! Her smile soon turned to a silent scream of horror. 

Another figure grunted in reply and turned to embrace her frontally. She had jumped right into Neville and Draco's love nest!

"Aaaieeeee!" 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The lights glared into life, and Snape, Lucius, Harry, and Ron*with a sandy-colored wig on his head* sat up in bed, laughing like lunatics. Hermione, Neville, and Draco yelled and tried to get away, but just ended up getting in a huge tangle and squishing each other with kicks and head butts. 

Ron got up and pulled a traumatized Hermione out of the mess, and tried to give her a peck on the cheek. But she kneed him in the groin and sprinted out of the room, red-cheeked and totally mortified.

"She will never lay you again." Lucius chuckled, turning back over since their prank on the three wizards/witch was done. 

Ron looked just as mortified at that thought as Hermione was of being spooned by Draco.

Harry looked at Severus for one long moment, and then erupted into new peals of mirth, turned off their lamp, and soon fell silent. They were all exhausted from the club.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning, Hermione refused to sit with them, so Ron got down on his hands and knees and licked her shoes, bought her chocolates and flowers, wrote her a poem, and tried to serenade her with a stolen guitar. She only acknowledged him when he bought her a stack of new books on physics, ancient Egypt, and Shakespeare. 

"They are very nice. You will be forgiven, once you tell Dumbledore that he has the sexiest beard you've ever petted. And run your fingers through it first." She smirked, loving to put him in an embarrassing position, just like he did to her.

"Hermione! No, please!" Ron begged, tears in his eyes.

"Nope. I will never look at you again until you do it."

Ron whimpered, and slowly walked over to his Headmaster. Hermione pulled a video camera from her backpack, and turned it on. Harry and Snape grinned. She had a Slytherin side!

"P-p-professor?" Ron squeaked, standing in front of Dumbledore. The old man turned to him, eyes twinkling. 

"Yes, Mr. Weasley?"

Ron quickly tried to run a hand through his beard, and got immediately got it stuck. "Oh dear."

"What the....ow!....hold on, I'll get you untangled!" Dumbledore winced as Ron tried to tug his hand free.

"No it's ok, I'll get it!" Ron tried to pull harder. He nearly pulled the old wizard out of his waffle chair. 

"Ouch! Wait! Grrrr....HI-YA!" The Headmaster head-butted the red-haired spaz, ninja-style, and while he was dazed, deftly pulled each gangly finger from his white hair. "There. All done."

"Sorry sir. Y-you have the sexiest beard I've ever p-p-petted." He stuttered out, and ran away. 

Albus Dumbledore stared after the boy, blushed a tint of pink, and turned back to his bacon. "What a strange child."

Back at Severus's table, every person, including Hermione, was crying. 

"I've never seen something so funny in my LIFE!" Harry laughed, wiping tears from his eyes. 

Snape chuckled with Lucius, and pulled out the day's itinerary. 

"Well, today's Hell Hole is....Universal Studios theme park. And we have a choice. We could either go to the Islands of Adventure, or the Studios. Which one will it be? Since we are in America, let's be democratic about it. All hands for Islands?" 

Harry, NevilleandDraco, and Lucius raised his hand. Severus sneered at the couple sitting in the same seat and rolled his eyes. 

"I guess we get to ride more roller coasters, Severus my friend! How exciting!" Lucius grinned, pulling out a small purse of galleons. "Care to make a bet, boys? I wager 20 galleons that Severus here won't ride......the 'Hulk.'" 

Draco gasped, and Harry's eyes sparkled with mischief. "I'll take that bet....and I'll add in 10 gold! Draco?"

The blonde took a long look at his head of house and whistled low between his teeth. "Hmm.....I'm on Father's side.....I don't think he has the guts. Sorry, Professor. 'The Hulk' is a bit more than you can handle."

Severus bristled at this little game the Malfoys were playing, and at Harry for tagging along. He would have sneezed on Lucius's offer in a second, if he could consciously force himself to sneeze (a very hard task to accomplish: I know, I've tried), but Harry's confidence in his stamina (not that kind of stamina, get your head out of the gutter!) made him decide that a potential emergency prayer to the Porcelain God was worth seeing his boyfriend's(yes, they are now an item. Isn't it so cute?) shining smile when he stepped off that ride and claimed the title of Macho Man. 

"You are on, Lucius. If I could ride all the coasters in Busch Gardens without retching once, the 'Hulk' doesn't stand a chance." He boasted, entwining his fingers with the Guy Who Wouldn't Chuck It's. 

Lucius and Draco smirked an evil, wicked smile that would make the Grinch envious. Uh-oh. Sevewus wus in big twouble. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"But I don't understand what's so different about this ride! What the blazes is 'G-Force?' I've never been in an American fighter jet, so how am I supposed to know what it feels like to blast off that fast?" Snape ranted at Harry as they trooped off the big yellow bus to the gates of Universal Studios Islands of Adventure. The colorfully painted steel beams of the rides looped around the horizon over the park wall, and the boys' hearts thumped with adrenaline as they laid eyes on the little cars speeding up and down the tracks. 

Harry, on the other hand, was currently amusing himself with the image of Severus strapped in the pilot's seat of a jet fighter, experiencing Mach 2 with his oily black hair pointing straight behind him and his cheeks blowing out like a chipmunk with the air force on his face. The man in question nudged him and raised an eyebrow when he didn't receive an answer, and Harry snapped out of his reverie. 

"Oh, uh.....well, G-Force is...hm. How to put this......your eyes are going to get dry and incredibly wet at the same time, you will feel the thrill of weightlessness when we drop the first hundred feet, your hair is going to be a swallow's nest when we get off, your stomach shall become your brain's room mate, and your throat will be sore from all the screaming you're going to be doing. Oh, and do keep your limbs in. I don't want to have to go hunting for them in the water when we get off the ride." Harry finished, maneuvering them into one of the long lines waiting for tickets. 

Snape was quiet, wondering if he should put a "Oopsie Daisy" charm on his underwear before the ride. Hahahaa, like he would EVER need that......

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

author's note: Wooo! Next chapter is finished! I need to do a bit more research on Universal Studios before I post the next chapter. I want to get all the attraction info accurate, and that is hard for me to do right now since my internet is down. 

It's the calm before the storm for us -IB kids. A few day's lull after Thanksgiving break, and then POW! Semester exams! I hope I can get out another chapter soon, but no promises! Please review, and feel free to add any suggestions for what our beloved boys go through at Universal! 

(P.S. If anyone is interested, I'm in desperate need of a beta reader!)


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